Turn your Zen garden into a noise garden

The Evolution of a Noise Instrument
From simple beginnings then growing into complex chaos. I'll show you the inner workings of an instrument created for the sole purpose of making noise.

Free Music & WAV files
Don't have time to create your own laptop noise? No problem, I've made some for you!

Laptop Hell!
The noise ensemble created for Reaktor is ready to download free here....

In Ma We Trust!
The 93 year old Noise "legend" Ma Noise abuses laptops in her latest CD-R release!

FREE Video clips
Download several of my video clips and use them in your online and offline creations. Great for splitting jump cuts and scene transitions.

Free Glitch Sound Effects
Lots of free sound effects to download. Great for ring tones, web sites, games and more!

turn your zen garden into a noise garden - we show you how

Every rock is in place. Every grain of sand, so perfect. Quiet and peaceful. This is your wonderful zen garden. But, wait. Quiet and peaceful? That's so "1996"! Today's zen gardens are brutal and loud, and full of chaos.

Peaceful, tranquil, garden becomes a noise garden

Call it a sign of the times, the decline of civilization or call it crazy, the latest trend in zen gardens has been the addition of brutal noise. Think of it as a contrast to the "perfection" and "simplicity" of the visual experience.

Noise is usually piped in through speakers that look like rocks. In fact, many of these "noise gardens" are designed around the "rock speakers" themselves.

The noise actually changes the shape and character of the garden over time by shifting the grains of sand into patterns which are said to reflect the sonic qualities of the noise.

Caution: Please follow OSHA guidelines regarding exposure to noise. There may be noise ordinances that affect your area. Please keep the volume of your noise garden to levels that comply with such laws.

Never stand naked in your noise garden (unless you are hot). Avoid allowing burrowing animals (such as gophers and moles) to habitate your noise garden. In rare instances noise gardens were indirectly linked to erections lasting longer than 4 hours. If this occurs, please seek immediate medical attention.

In an even more rare occurance, a noise garden started a small nuclear reaction that caused several injuries before it was contained. Please do not plant corn of any kind in your noise garden. Do not wear sweater vests while tending your noise garden.

Do not ever feed your noise garden red meat. Never establish a noise garden on top of, or in close proximity to, and Indian burial ground. Should your noise garden begin to smell like rotting cheese and chlorine, discontinue use and contact your local environmental agency immediately.

In the event of sudden air pressure changes, your noise garden is equipped with overhead oxygen masks. Place the mask over your own face first, then proceed to help those around you.

Do not directly interface your noise garden with a computer CPU that is rated at 1GHz or greater. In one instance a directly interfaced noise garden attempted world domination. Enjoy your noise garden at your own risk.

contact: noise@laptopnoise.com

Here's some noise you can play in your noise garden.

Not everyone has time to create their own noise so I've created some just for you. You can download it for free! Just remember to follow the rules (see right) carefully when turning your zen garden into a noise garden (save to disc).